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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28206807">But You Don't Have To</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaywright/pseuds/J'>J (jaywright)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic Asexual Caduceus Clay, Caretaking, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Injury, M/M, Sharing a Bed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:14:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28206807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaywright/pseuds/J</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Is it that you're trying to share something you love with the rest of us, or trying to learn not to fear it?"<br/>"I suppose it could be both, couldn't it?"<br/>"'course," Caduceus replied.  "You've seen Fjord at sea."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Critmas Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>But You Don't Have To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatricuddles/gifts">Theatricuddles</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caduceus woke slowly, to the sound and surrounding warmth of a crackling fire.</p><p>He tried to drag his eyes open, but his eyelids were so heavy, and the fire was so bright that it made his head ache, so he lifted an arm to drape it over his face instead.  It was only then that the pain sliced through everything else, cutting across his midsection, dragging the air out of him in a sharp noise that he had never heard from himself before.</p><p>He heard a startled sound from somewhere in the direction of the fire, and then there were hands on him, one wrapping around his wrist, the other settling at his shoulder.  The hand tugged his arm gently down from his face, a soft dark pile of fabric replacing it, blocking out the light.  "No, no, stay there," Caleb's voice was murmuring, soft but distinctly alarmed, his hands smoothing anxiously over Caduceus's skin through the thin cold fabric of his clothes.  "You'll pull at your injuries before I get a chance to care for them."  </p><p>Caduceus stilled under his touch, but Caleb kept his hands where they were for a long moment, as if concerned that Caduceus would move again.</p><p>"We made it, then," he said instead, his voice coming out rough and strained. </p><p>Caleb was quiet for a long moment, his hands drawing back.  "Not…exactly," he said.  He sounded exhausted, and Caduceus felt him settle down onto the floor beside him, sagging back against the soft surface that Caduceus was laid out on.</p><p>Caduceus frowned, trying to remember through the thick haze of pain.  "We were the only ones left," he said, "Jester had gotten everyone else out.  I cast Word of Recall…"</p><p>"You tried to," Caleb corrected him.  "You were counterspelled."</p><p>"…Oh."  Caduceus frowned.  "Oh!"  He tried to sit up, the fabric falling from his eyes, but Caleb's hands found him again, steadying him.</p><p>"<i>Nein, nein</i>, we are all right," he promised.  "You were…injured."  His voice was tight on the word, as if he was holding many more back behind it.  "But you were still on your feet, and I was able to get us to the safehouse."</p><p>"The safehouse," Caduceus repeated, remembering.  "Plan D."</p><p>Caleb chuckled.  "<i>Ja</i>," he agreed, "the safehouse that was Plan D."</p><p>Caduceus finally tried to open his eyes again, and it was marginally less painful this time.  The room was still bright in comparison to the darkness of unconsciousness, but it was dim, lit only by a fire in the hearth on a distant wall.  He was stretched out on a thin couch, much too small for him, and Caleb sat beside him looking disheveled.  His face was smeared with soot, his hair falling out of its tie, scrapes and raw patches tracing down his cheek to his throat.  His scarf was piled on the floor beside them where it had fallen, and his coat was tossed over Caduceus, tucked in around him.  Caduceus's armor was piled unceremoniously beside the hearth.</p><p>Caduceus burrowed into the coat gratefully, shivering under it.  "Thank you," he said.  "For getting me here."</p><p>"Of course," Caleb said.  He winced.  "I'm sorry that I could not do so with less damage done, but…" he sighed.  "We were far outmatched, I fear.  I think that – "  His eyes went vague and distant, focusing on a point past Caduceus's shoulder. </p><p>"What - ?" Caduceus began, trying to muster the effort to turn and look, but Caleb shook his head, holding up a finger for him to wait.</p><p> "<i>Ja</i>, Jester," he said.  "We've found the safehouse.  I know this is the last of your magic.  Stay safe, and I will teleport us after rest."</p><p>"Jester," Caduceus said fondly, feeling a smile fade weakly over his face.  He eyed Caleb.  "You've used up everything?" he asked.</p><p>Caleb winced.  "I have one spell left," he said. "Enough for an alarm around us tonight, is all."  He touched Caduceus's side, not over the spot that was radiating pain, but near enough that Caduceus drew in a breath.  "I'm sorry," he said, eyes on his hand.  "If there was anything I could do…"</p><p>Caduceus wrapped his hand around Caleb's, engulfing it.  "You got me here," he said.  "That's doing a lot already."  He shifted uncomfortably.  "I have some supplies," he said, looking around for his pack.  "No potions, I don't think, but I have some bandages, some salve…"</p><p>"I got them," Caleb said.  He straightened, drawing his hand from Caduceus's, his tone suddenly crisp and businesslike.  "I didn't want to wake you, but I've got some water warming on the fire, your bandages here."  His hand waved somewhere beyond Caduceus's head.  "We'll get you cleaned up, and have a nice dinner of the finest of boba."  He smiled ruefully.  "And that should make you full and warm and comfortable enough to sleep and heal."</p><p>Caduceus nodded weakly, looking down at himself, his fingers feeling thick and clumsy as he reached for his clothes.  Caleb beat him there, though, his touch quick and seemingly effortless, and it was nearly no time at all before he was helping Caduceus sit up, carefully peeling the fabric from him.</p><p>Caduceus went quiet and still against Caleb's arm, his eyes squeezing together in pain, and he felt Caleb freeze with his shirt half off him. </p><p>"'s'okay," Caduceus slurred out.  "Keep going.  Please."  He could practically feel the resolve come back into Caleb, his movements efficient and smooth as he finished peeling the clothes from him, leaving Caduceus shivering and aching on the couch.  </p><p>The coat wrapped around him again instantly, joined by his own cloak, and he let his legs fall to the ground, allowing Caleb to prop him up messily against the back of the couch.  He was shivering, and Caleb's hands rubbed over his arms and shoulders, trying to bring some warmth back to his skin.</p><p>"I'm okay," Caduceus said finally, catching Caleb's hands, letting his eyes creak open, finally feeling like he could see again, the bright lights of pain having faded into the darkness of the room.  "Let's do this."</p><p>Caleb nodded.  He squeezed Caduceus's hands and pulled his away, standing unsteadily and crossing the room to the hearth.  He returned a few moments later with a steaming bowl of water and settled onto the ground beside Caduceus, looking up at him. </p><p>"This is going to hurt."  The words were simple and unemotional, as were his hands as he reached for a cloth, dipped it in the water, and pulled the cloak aside to reveal the gashes across Caduceus's front.</p><p>They were deep and ugly, marked at the edges with the telltale markings of magic, and Caduceus found himself studying them with detached clinical interest as Caleb started to clean them with practiced hands.</p><p>"Remind me to thank Pumat next time we're in town," Caduceus said, trying to keep his voice light even as his body tensed under the sting of the cloth against his skin. "This could have been a lot worse."</p><p>Caleb's lips curled into a tiny smile.  "I won't forget," he promised.</p><p>"No."  Caduceus looked down at him.  "You won't, will you?"  Caleb didn't look up from his work.  "That's gotta be weird.  Is that weird?  Remembering everything?"</p><p>"I don't remember everything," Caleb said, his voice a little stiff.  </p><p>"You remember a lot."</p><p>"I do," Caleb agreed.  "I remember a lot."  His fingers were so gentle and careful as he cleaned Caduceus off, and despite the sharp sting, Caduceus found the touch oddly soothing.  "And yes," Caleb said.  "I suppose it's weird.  Or it would be, if I could remember any alternative."  Caduceus leaned back slowly, allowing himself to tip back against the couch and fade into something almost like a meditative state.  The pain still echoed through him, but the shadows playing across the ceiling were almost reminiscent of the motion of leaves above him in the forest, and he let himself fade into their dance.</p><p>"When I was a boy," Caleb said, eventually, his voice low, breaking the silence of the room, "there was nothing cozier than a night by the fire.  A book, a cat, maybe a cup of tea."  He worked quietly for a few more moments before sighing.  "I would like to have my cat."</p><p>"We can probably do the tea," Caduceus said.  </p><p>Caleb breathed out a laugh.  "We could," he agreed.  "But I think you may be already asleep before it was teatime."</p><p>Caduceus rumbled an agreement.  "Seems possible."</p><p>He kept himself still while Caleb finished, until Caleb was holding up the container of salve, sniffing at it dubiously.  "It helps," Caduceus told him.  He looked Caleb over and let his hand drift upward, fingers grazing just under the raw skin on Caleb's cheek, rasping against the stubble there.  "You could probably use some too."</p><p>"I'm fine," Caleb said roughly.  He reached up to catch Caduceus's wrist.</p><p>"Here."  Caduceus reached with his other hand to smear his thumb into the salve, and reached it upwards.  He paused just out of range of Caleb's skin and looked at him steadily, waiting for permission.</p><p>Caleb sighed, and his eyes fluttered shut, face leaning into Caduceus' touch.  He brushed his thumb so softly over the injuries on Caleb's cheek and down to his neck, and Caleb shivered before he finally pulled his hand away.</p><p>"See," he said, "feels better."</p><p>Caleb's lips quirked into a smile, eyes opening again.  "It does," he agreed.  He smoothed some of the salve onto the edges of Caduceus's torn skin, and wrapped the bandages around him with practiced efficiency.</p><p>"You're good at this," Caduceus said as Caleb bundled him back up into the cloak and coat.  When Caleb peered down at him curiously, he elaborated, "taking care of people."</p><p>Caleb's expression went tight and stiff.  "I have experience," he said shortly.  He looped an arm under Caduceus's arms.  "If you don't mind," he said, excessively polite, "I'd like to move you over to the bed.  I know it will hurt, but you'll be more comfortable there for the night.  This couch is too small for your very long legs."</p><p>Caduceus smiled.  "So's the bed," he pointed out. </p><p>Caleb smiled.  "Yes," he agreed, "but you will be more able to stretch out."</p><p>Caduceus needed to lean on Caleb more heavily than he would like as Caleb levered him off the couch.  His legs felt weak and fragile beneath his weight.  "Sorry," he gasped out, and Caleb shifted him more securely against his side.</p><p>"Better than before," he said, a faint bleakness to his tone.  "At least you're mostly conscious this time." </p><p>He helped Caduceus lay out on the bed, tucking him tightly under the blankets piled there, and Caduceus caught his wrist before he could move away.  </p><p>"Stay here?" he asked.</p><p>"Oh."  Caleb's eyes darted across the room.  "I was going to – "</p><p>"It's cold."  When Caleb hesitated, he added, "<i>I'm</i> cold," mostly to see the way Caleb melted at the words, his eyes going uncertainly from the fire to the empty half of the bed.  </p><p>"I – "</p><p>"Your alarm won't reach both of us," Caduceus said in a practical voice that didn't allow for discussion.  He closed his eyes.  "Put out the fire.  Come to bed."</p><p>Caleb was still and quiet for a long moment.  "<i>Ja</i>," he agreed eventually, quietly.  "Alright, Caduceus."</p><p>Caduceus drifted pleasantly in the quiet as he listened to Caleb moving around the cabin.  He roused briefly to eat a boba as Caleb pressed it to his lips, to drink some water.  Eventually he felt a tug at the blankets beside him, the shift of the mattress as Caleb settled down.  He stretched out stiffly along the other side of the bed, keeping well out of range of Caduceus until Caduceus curled onto his side, his injuries pulling slightly, a faint echo of the tearing pain he'd felt when he'd awoken.  </p><p>He dropped an arm across the bed, over Caleb's chest, feeling it rising and falling rapidly under his touch.  "I can stay on my side if you want," he said, "but I'm warmer than the couch.  Especially since you've given me your coat."</p><p>Caleb huffed out a laugh.  "You are," he admitted.  His hand fell over Caduceus's arm, trapping it against him, and slowly, carefully, he tilted onto his side, fitting himself into Caduceus's arms.</p><p>Caduceus curled closer, wrapping himself around Caleb's small shivering frame until he had all but engulfed him.  They lay in quiet for a few long moments, and Caduceus may have let sleep take him, but the memory of the cheerfully glowing flames was still present and echoing in his mind.</p><p>"So," he said.  His voice brushed over the back of Caleb's neck.  "Is it that you're trying to share something you love with the rest of us," he asked, "or trying to learn not to fear it?"</p><p>Caleb startled a little, like Caduceus had woken him from almost-sleep.  "What?" he asked, his voice slurred and vague.</p><p>"The fireplaces," Caduceus clarified.  "In the mansion."</p><p>"Oh."  Caleb's voice was small and soft, but definitely awake now.  "I…"  He fell silent for a long moment.  "I suppose it could be both, couldn't it?"</p><p>"'course," Caduceus replied.  "You've seen Fjord at sea."</p><p>Caleb breathed out a laugh.  "I hadn't thought of it that way," he said, "but you're not wrong."  He sighed, shifting in Caduceus's arms.  "It's not fear," he said finally, slowly, like he was still formulating the thought for himself.  "A flame in a hearth, it's contained."  He swallowed, and although Caduceus couldn't see his face, he could picture the blankness of his eyes as they stared at the darkened wall beyond him.  "It's…" there was the faint echo of fondness in his voice as he said, "cozy" in an inflection that sounded almost like Jester's.  He let out a low laugh with a note of harshness to it.  "I am not."</p><p>Caduceus rumbled against his neck.  "Contained, or cozy?" he asked.  "Because it seems to me like you might be both right now."</p><p>Caleb stilled in his arms.  "I am not contained, Caduceus.  In your state, there is very little you could do to stop me, if something were to happen."</p><p>"Luckily," Caduceus said mildly, "I think you're practical enough not to waste all the energy you've put into trying to save me tonight by turning on me."</p><p>"I – " Caleb stiffened against him slightly.  "I have dreams."</p><p>Caduceus snorted out a breath.  "Yeah, me too," he said.</p><p>He could see Caleb's jaw tighten in the darkness.  "They are not kind or pleasant.  For me or for anyone around me."</p><p>Caduceus brushed his thumb soothingly over Caleb's skin through his shirt where his hand rested on his chest.  "I know.  We've shared the dome plenty of nights, and I'm not a particularly heavy sleeper."  He stayed silent for a very long time before admitting, "Mine aren't pleasant either.  I haven't stopped dreaming of the city."</p><p>"Neither has Jester," Caleb said.  "She came to me, wondering if there was anything I could do to magically ward off the dreams for her."  He sighed.  "I had nothing to offer."</p><p>Caduceus sighed.  "No," he said.  "There's no keeping them away, I don't think.  I've asked the Mother, but she hasn't been able to help either."  He made his voice go a little lighter.  "Well.  I promise not to hold anything against you that you do to me while you think I'm an enemy in your dreams, if you agree to the same."</p><p>Caleb huffed out a laugh and took Caduceus's hand, shaking it solemnly.  "You have a deal."  He shifted back against Caduceus, getting more comfortable in the circle of his arms.  "Perhaps," he said, his voice vague and sleepy, "I would sleep better in the dome if we stayed in there like this.  You are very warm."</p><p>"It's the fur."  Caduceus rested his face against Caleb's hair, letting himself relax a little around him.  "I trap heat."  </p><p>"Useful," Caleb said.  "Except maybe when we were in the islands."</p><p>Caduceus shuddered.  "Let's never go there again," he said with feeling.</p><p>Caleb laughed.  "It wasn't our finest hour," he agreed.  He paused, shifting to look around the room. "To be fair, neither is this."</p><p>"Hey, we all got out alive," Caduceus said.  "Everyone else is safe in Nicodranas, and we'll see them in the morning."</p><p>"We didn't do what we came here to do," Caleb pointed out.</p><p>"Nope," Caduceus agreed cheerfully. "And we'll figure that one out in the morning, too."  He planted his hand wide over Caleb's chest.  "For now, we're going to rest."</p><p>"And you're going to heal," Caleb agreed, his hand falling over Caduceus's.</p><p>Caduceus pressed his face to the back of Caleb's neck.  "Thank you," he said, feeling Caleb shiver a little at the brush of his breath across his skin.  "For saving me.  You did a lot today.  You need your sleep, too."</p><p>"I would be pretty useless if you wake up and I haven't gotten my teleport back."</p><p>"Hey."  Caduceus pulled him tight.  "You got both of us out of there, and you took care of me.  That's not nothing."  </p><p>"Caduceus."  Caleb sighed.  "What I did here tonight was instinct."  He shivered, and Caduceus smoothed his hands over him through his clothes, warming him, grounding him.  "I haven't been in that mode in a very long time.  Needing to protect the people around me, to care for them in any way that was necessary.  It's…"  He paused, his voice tight when he continued.  "I didn't learn those skills for good reasons."</p><p>"You learned them, though," Caduceus said.  "And you've used them for good.  You <i>do</i> protect the people you care about.  And I'm grateful for it.  I'm thankful that you learned those skills, if not for the ways or reasons that you learned them."  He brushed a thumb over Caleb's forearm.  "I'm certainly not thankful for that.  I'm…"  he felt a tight fury well up in him, a memory of Trent Ikathon's sharp gaze.  "If there was some way to make that not have happened to you, I'd consider it.  But that's not how the world works."  Caleb breathed out noncommittally, and Caduceus could practically feel the thoughts of dunamancy radiating off of him.  "Anyhow," he said, "what you do with your skills is the important part, not how you got them.  Look at any of our friends.  The Traveler was not what Jester expected him to be, Fjord's powers came from a monster, Yasha has very little memory of how and why she gained the abilities that she has, Beau has learned her profession through hardship enforced by her family, and Veth died in order to become the person you came to know.  It's what we do next that matters."</p><p>Caleb remained stiff against him, but he nodded.  His hand found Caduceus's and tangled with it, holding on tightly.  "What we do next," he repeated, his voice slow and exhausted.</p><p>"Tomorrow," Caduceus agreed.  "And the day after that."  He curled close to Caleb and closed his eyes, sinking into the soft warmth of him curled within his arms.   "You know," he said, in a sleepy tone that matched Caleb's, "this is nice.  Falling asleep like this." There was a comfort to the warmth beside him that he had felt faint traces of when the Nein shared the dome, but that really hadn't radiated through him in this true a fashion since his family had started to gradually migrate away from their home.  "You want to do this again, you find me.  Dome or no dome."</p><p>"I…" Caleb began, and Caduceus heard the <i>won't</i> without him finishing it.  He swallowed.  His fingers went tight around Caduceus's wrist, holding his arm close around him.  "I might," he said in a tiny voice.</p><p>"Good."  Caduceus's voice rumbled against Caleb's skin, and he closed his eyes, imagining that he could feel the faint magical hum of Caleb's alarm around them, remembering the heat and the comforting flicker of the flames against the ceiling.  "I'd like that.  You did a nice job with my room in the tower.  I like spending time there more than anywhere but home that I've ever been.  But it does get a little lonely."</p><p>He could hear the wry smile in Caleb's voice as he replied, "Most places do."</p><p>"For some of us," Caduceus agreed easily.  "Sometimes the idea of home we've built up in our head is a little far from anything we can actually get back to.  But regardless, I'm always happy to share a hearth with someone."</p><p>He felt Caleb relax against him a little.  "<i>Ja</i>," he agreed, his voice so soft and sleepy that it had nearly faded into nothingness.  "I think I'd like that."</p><p>"'night, Caleb," Caduceus said, his voice pressed close to Caleb's skin.  Caleb murmured something back that may have been in Zemnian, but he was asleep before the words finished tumbling from his lips.</p><p>Caduceus lay awake for a little longer, his eyes finding the few stars visible through the small window in the wall of the safehouse and casting up a prayer to the Wildmother to keep them safe until the morning, until they could return to their friends.  He fell asleep halfway through, his mind on her and the nature beyond their window, his arms full of soft warm sleepy wizard.</p><p>He slept, dreaming of a warm fire in a cozy hearth in a place that he might have called home, and he woke feeling rested and healed.</p>
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